Dear diary,
I became sad today. Just out of nowhere came a heaviness, and then my vibe sank.
Sometimes, I don't feel well
Whether I show it or not.
Some feelings I can't explain
Some energies I don't translate.
When I get in my own way
I simply go away and cry
My eyes put, all alone.
Was it really out of nowhere? I was listening to a fabulous Mel Robbins podcast about attachment styles that explained how they relate to our childhood traumas and the core wounds of every style. The podcast was so good that I took notes, and I might have figured out my own attachment style. It should have been a moment of joy at discovering such a huge part of me. Additionally, Mel’s guest explained that we can actually change our attachment style, which is very empowering, and that was the first time I heard that.
However, rather than feeling empowered, out of me came a heaviness.
Is it because my birthday is coming and I feel strangely alone?
Am I being crushed under my own high expectations of me?
Is my cup empty?
All I know is I felt so sad today that I was unable to cook dinner.
Is it because I’m being reminded of my dad wound that was opened wide last year at around this same time. A wound that destroyed my birthday last year and lasted so long that I was unable to enjoy my child’s birthday also?
And then my lover shows up and asks:
Is it because I’m pregnant? I will be taking a pregnancy test.
Or is it because I need to do more healing? Always
Either way, between Olaf and my beloved Scorpio, I was in a good place again.
And then I'm well again:
After journaling,
And the creation of poetry
I am well again.
With word play I found the power
To keep going again.
My beloved shared his energy
With me and we made love.
I wore crystals,
I wore yellow,
And this powered me to go
Well beyond where I was stuck
In my mind.
I then spent lots of time
In the sun
And I talked to the people I Love.
I am happy again.
All is well.
Dear friend,
I do my best to be a positive influence on the internet to somewhat balance the negative influences.
However, acting as though I’m always happy would be dishonest, and I don’t want to lie to you.
I don’t have this figured out, and that is why I journal. Why am I so bold to journal publicly, often exposing secrets? It saves me time because I don’t have to write something else to post here and also because some of my best wisdom comes this way. There’s a power in journaling that might be more powerful than poetry.
On that topic, and away from my feelings, journaling precedes poetry! If you aspire to be a poet or want to make your poetry better, start journaling! This is the wisdom I was referring to and why journaling is so powerful. It pulls information out of us. It translates our baggage into text, and it’s so healing.
Poems are like spells
If you asked me how to be happy, I’d tell you to journal and read good poetry! But I’m not a happiness expert!
I’m a Love expert, though. I made myself laugh. My Muses are funny, too! This reminded me of the movie Frozen when Christoff tells Ana and Olaf his family members, who are trolls, are love experts, and Olaf hilariously says he is a love expert! That is my favorite part of that movie. My favorite part in the second movie is when Olaf, the wisest character in the movir, explains to Elsa that water has memory, and with that knowledge, her powers increased, an epic moment in the movie. We’re in the Elsa topic because Olaf makes me smile. When I drew Elsa about 6 years ago, I racked my brains, trying to figure out the main lesson in the movie. It wasn’t, I found, any of the catchy lines from the songs. The line I wrote in my picture was Love Thaws. That is the main lesson from the first movie.
I have much more to learn about love, too! I guess I’m not an expert at all
Lovestar Templeš„ š„ 