Have a difficult conversation with a love partner that fosters love, connection, and union. Part 2.

Dear Lovestar,

Picture this: a couple is having a hard conversation. They love each other very much, and because of that, they’ve been avoiding this conversation, and by now, it’s worse. This is my love and I…

She gets emotional and calls him insensitive. He complains that she’s too emotional and overreacts. She gets triggered and overreacts. He gets offended and withdraws. They don’t talk to each other for a week and don’t resolve the issue. They try to act like it didn’t happen, but there is a loss of trust from unresolved issues.

How should we have difficult conversations? They are unavoidable in love relationships if we intend to deepen the connection?

Yesterday, I gave you tips to have a difficult conversation with a loved one while intending to deepen the connection. Read my first post on this topic through this link:

Have a difficult conversation with a love partner that fosters love, connection, and union.

It’s important to recognize that often we’re triggered during difficult conversations, and if we allow our ego and emotions to take over, the conversation will turn into a fight.

There are some ways I’ve found to manage my emotions and my ego while engaging in difficult conversations. Let’s discuss this at length.

There are two different types of difficult conversations. There are the conversations we know we have to have that we have avoided, and there are heated debates that occur in the moment that become quite difficult.

For the sake of not making this post extremely long, I’ll focus today on conversations we know we have to have.

Why is there a hard conversation we have not had?

Perhaps we’re avoiding the topic.

Perhaps we have changed.

Perhaps we had a spiritual awakening.

Perhaps something happened in public spaces or settings, and we didn’t want to address it in public because of respect.

Create a plan

Planning a hard conversation with a loved one requires thought and sensitivity. Here are some steps to help you:

1. Clarify Your Purpose: Understand why you need to have this conversation and what you hope to achieve from it.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a time when both of you can talk without distractions. Choose a private, comfortable setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.
3. Prepare What You Want to Say: Think about what you want to communicate and how to phrase it in a respectful and constructive manner. Consider writing down key points to stay focused.
4. Consider Their Perspective: Try to anticipate how they might react and be prepared to listen to their side of the story. Empathy and understanding are crucial in difficult conversations.
5. Be Honest and Direct: Be honest about your feelings and the reasons for the conversation, but also be respectful and compassionate in your approach.
6. Listen Actively: Allow your loved one to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Practice active listening by paraphrasing what they say to show understanding.
7. Seek Solutions Together: Focus on finding solutions or compromises that work for both of you. Collaborate on finding a resolution to the issue at hand.
8. Follow Up: After the conversation, check in with your loved one to see how they are feeling and if there are any lingering concerns. Reinforce your commitment to working through things together.

Remember, difficult conversations are a normal part of any relationship, and handling them with care and respect can strengthen your bond in the long run.

Ways to start the conversation

I like to start in a good way. Rather than being angry and moody and lashing out, I might clean and cook. This means we’re moving forward. We’re certainly not breaking up!

Let any criticism be constructive

This is the main thing with difficult conversations and deserves its own post.

Diffuse tension with a fun joke

One thing that has worked great for me that I now do intentionally is to make a joke or say something funny.

One day, I was having a very difficult talk with my lover. There were tears and a lot of discomfort for both as we both became triggered.

In my crazed mania, I said something funny because I joke and laugh a lot. My loving partner didn’t laugh, but he did say: “At least you still have jokes,” and this simple fact diffused the fight.

It was obvious to him that although emotions were running deep, it wasn’t the end of the world (the end of our relationship would be the end of the world).

And for me, it became obvious that if I was able to joke, it wasn’t so serious an issue, and I was still able to amuse him, and he was willing to be amused.

Now, if a difficult conversation is to be had, a joke will always be an effective way to diffuse emotional distress. As long as we don’t joke about the person we’re having the conversation with. In other words, the joke can’t be triggering.

What did you think?

Have you ever used jokes to diffuse a difficult emotion in a fight?

Do you plan conversations?

Do you have other tips to have a difficult conversation?

With love and light,

Eve, very inspired and motivated now!